


What's the Weirdest Thing...?

by helena_s_renn



Category: Greta Van Fleet (Band), Music RPF
Genre: Attempt at Humor, Carving pumpkins, Halloween, Incest, M/M, Overhearing Sex, Sanny, Silly... till it's not, Twincest
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-13
Updated: 2019-12-13
Packaged: 2021-02-26 02:47:59
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,122
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21776257
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/helena_s_renn/pseuds/helena_s_renn
Summary: Late cross-post of my 2019 Halloween Challenge fic."Pumpkin guts.""Butter.""Fretboard oil.""Raspberry jam."
Relationships: Jake Kiszka/Josh Kiszka, Sam Kiszka/Danny Wagner
Comments: 15
Kudos: 12





	What's the Weirdest Thing...?

**Author's Note:**

> *It's still really silly (including mangled lyric usage) till the last part where Jake took over.  
> *If you don't know what Pam non-stick cooking spray is, you better Google it.  
> *Danny's not really a prude. He has fun pretending to be shocked.  
> *Originally posted 31 Oct 2019 on RF. Enjoy now that it's almost Christmas or whatever December holiday you celebrate.
> 
> *The set-up: the guys are carving jack-o-lanterns. Assume they have a table and chairs in an outdoor setting like a porch or deck. Not scary.

"Pumpkin guts?!" Danny exclaimed. "Ew! Are you serious?" 

Sam, elbow deep, squished around for another minute. His smile was heavy-lidded satisfaction. "Sure, why not? This slimy goo is perfect." He pulled out another handful of - apparently - nature's best lube. 

"Doesn't it get sticky?" 

"Well, eventually, but that's the desired result anyway, amirite?"

"Ew!!" repeated Danny, more emphatic. "What about the seeds?" 

"Not the seeds, bro. Those are for roasting." Sam shot him a look halfway between critical and interested. "Why? What's the weirdest thing you've ever used for lube?" 

"Well, er," Danny hedged. He looked like he might refuse to answer, but finally muttered, "Butter." 

Sam chortled, "Really? How long did it take you to scrub that out of your b--" 

Finally Jake spoke up. "Regular old shampoo takes care of that just fine." Three other heads swiveled in his direction. He waved his carving knife at them. "So? A man's gotta do what a man's gotta do." 

"So what's the weirdest thing you ever used?" demanded Sam. 

"As if lube itself isn't weird enough!" Danny put in. 

"It's a fact of life. Spit just isn't slippery enough," retorted Sam. 

"Maybe yours isn't." At Danny's last comment, Sam's pupils blew wide open. He withdrew both hands from the pumpkin. 

The twins watched in amusement. Had been, for a long time. Was this finally going to be the day? Sam opened his mouth. "Well, Jake?" he croaked. 

"Fretboard oil." 

"Oh come on!" Josh, who'd been mostly ignoring the proceedings, seated on the table in the lotus position, opened his eyes and spoke. "That's not very imaginative. Also? Not true."

"Wha--?" Try as he might, Jake couldn't control his face. One eyelid twitched and pink spots of color appeared on his cheeks. He made a noise halfway between clearing his throat and gargling phlegm. "Okay, fine... never, ever tell our mother." He paused for dramatic effect and tipped up his bottle of Jack for another swallow. "Pam cooking spray." 

A silent second passed. Sam and Danny burst into hysterical laughter. Between guffaws, they tossed rapid-fire queries back and forth: "That's not green! How do you have it in your house?" "Is it cold?" "Did you spray it on before or after erection?" "Original, or butter flavored?" Leave it to Danny to want to know about butter-anything. "Lightly coated, or liberally?" 

When the younger two simmered down enough to hear, Jake addressed each question in a string of terse, one-word answers. Mostly. "Dunno. No. Both. Original. Liberally, by the time I shot it." He leaned back and turned to his twin, who he'd been watching out of the corner of his eye. "You know you're dying to tell them. G'on now." 

"Raspberry jelly." Oh yes, pride of ownership there. 

"What about the seeds? You don't want the exfoliating effect on your penis!" Sam. Always thinking. About to add an addendum, he shut up when, beside him, Danny cringed and elbowed him hard. 

Josh adopted his 'guest lecturer' posture along with a Northern UK accent. "I do believe they're called pips."

"Tiny pips for your tiny nips!" crowed Jake, tipping his bottle again. 

"Do you eat that on a cracker?" Sam's grasp of the pronunciation wasn't near as perfected as Josh's, although he did believably run the words together at the start and drop his final 'r'. "Wait, you put that on your...?" 

"Obs. With the intent they'll be licked thoroughly clean." 

Sam glanced at Danny, who he expected to be making his pre-Ew! face again. Instead, he was doing the same thing Sam was also doing at that very minute: adjusting himself under the table. "Yeah?" 

"I think grape would be better. Seedless," Danny said. "Got any?" 

"Fuck yeah!" 

For all that they were barefoot, one would think it was a thundering herd of buffalo headed upstairs.

Josh picked up Sam's abandoned knife and flipped it, catching it deftly. "Job well done?" he asked his twin. 

"Oh, I dunno... they were a little too familiar. D'ja see their faces?! That was pure horn. Danny for sure had a boner and you'd think Sam just blew his wad. For once I'd say they've been sneakier than we are."

"Learned from the best, didn't they?" 

"Quite right, old chap!" Jake hadn't left his less-Northern accent behind yet. 

"Let's go listen in."

"Nah, man. I've got the real thing in my suitcase still. The good stuff. Meditate that ass of yours into the house and I'll make it feel good." 

"So good?" 

"So fine." 

Jake skipped the next line and went for, "All mine!" For good measure, he jabbed his knife into the nearest pumpkin.

That might not be 100 percent true these days but they had something that nothing and no one would ever replace. They were a perfect fit still. Despite Jake's 'threat', he let himself be bent over the stairs themselves while from the floor above, the moans and sighs of their little brother and his BFF-with-benefits going at it, whatever 'it' was - as there was no obvious rhythm in the rhythm section yet - drifted down like aural confetti. Round two would be soon enough for him. Josh had slick on his person and that took care of that. 

They didn't need fancy, but as the invasion of fingers and dick spread him open, Jake reflected that high-end lube was the best lube. He also considered the fact that Josh wasn't just a pushy bottom; he needed to be truly in control from time to time and Jake let him have that. Hands slid up his back, stripping his shirt off over his head. Josh's fingers made him tremble and need so bad, every time. His nipples, bereft of fruit jam darkened as Josh flicked and pinched. 

"Touch it!" hissed Jake. No question of what he meant. Josh reached around, letting his twin fuck into the lube-slick clench of his fist. A beaten gold bracelet tight around his wrist that flashed in the low light echoed his combination of strength and restraint. 

On his knees, taking cock, love and brotherhood into the deepest places of himself, Jake yipped and then howled and splashed the steps below him. Josh clung shaking to his back. He really did sing his orgasm, high and loud, a sort of gloria.The only seed involved with this non-food-based lube was theirs, and Jake relished every drop filled and spilled. 

"Are you two done barking at the moon?" came Sam's voice. 

"For now," Jake called back. 

He heard Sam tell Danny, "We might have twenty minutes before they start fuckin' again. Josh was in a mood, I think... Did you fuckin' hear that?"

"Who didn't?" Danny said loud enough to make sure the twins heard. The boy was getting braver. 

Fin.


End file.
